Cruel and Biased Theory

Following the success of the Standard Horizontal Inertial Theory (SHIT), we aim to uncover another piece of hidden truth of the world. Today, we present to you, the Cruel and Biased Theory (CBT).

Introduction

The world is a cruel and unfair place. Different people will innately be offered different opportunities, and some will always be dealt a bad hand in life. No matter how much we preach about equality, it is impossible to completely eliminate all these predetermined factors.

Now, a slight change in topic. The fundamental assumption of statistical mechanics state that the every microstate is equally likely to be found, and each of these arrangements have a fair and equal chance of appearing. This directly contradicts our macroscopic observation that the world is unfair, and hence we refute this assumption.

Principle of Indifference

The principle that replaces the fundamental assumption is the Principle of Indifference. It states that while the government and the CIA work very hard to conceal the truth, and we are almost unable to distinguish between microstates, there is a fundamental difference between every state, and every state is unique in its own way.

There is really no big implication that directly stems from this principle, as we cannot make any observations that distinguish between the fundamental assumption and this principle. Hence, it is named the Principle of Indifference, as we are completely ignorant and indifferent about this fact. However, this principle leads to larger facts that we will discuss in the following sections.

Wokeness

The measure of wokeness is a metric that characterizes this uniqueness of a single state. Assuming that a particle has some discrete energy states, to balance out the fengshui of the overall system, some states are more likely to be found than others. This probability is described by the measure of wokeness $W$, which is an experimentally determined quantity.

Determining the wokeness of a particle is currently a very tedious task, as a physicist needs to manually interact with the particle, ask them about their day, provide them with a comfortable environment, before probing them for their wokeness. Also, wokeness of a particle can change at a moment’s notice, partically when exchanging between systems, so experimentally determining the wokeness of a particle in their natural habitat is currently considered an impossible task.

We presume that wokeness is an exponental scale, and therefore isn’t always an easy number to work with. Therefore, we define litness of a state $\Lambda = \ln(W)$, which is a much better metric to work with. Both litness and wokeness are dimensionless quantities.

Rule of At Least Two

What interests researchers about the measure of litness is that in every system, there is a threshold litness that only allows particles above that limit to be counted. The general rule of thumb is that if a particle’s litness is within 2 of the maximum litess, it will contribute to the probability of the system. However, this fluctuates with the temperature and energy of the system, and will become the Rule of At Least Three when the system gets even hotter.

The particles that do not make this cut are generally considered to be “cancelled”. The state of cancellation is considered by current CBT researchers as a wide field of study with huge undiscovered potential. We do not know how particles physically recover from being cancelled, but there has been initial evidence that their litness will never recover to their previous maximum.

Evidence

The ideas of wokeness, litness, and cancellation lie very central to the modern society’s ideals, and are very politically correct, which reinforces the truth within this theory. While we do not have solid evidence, we believe that in order for a theory to be widely accepted, there will always be a need for an initial believer, one that has complete faith in the ideas. Furthermore, as this theory is mostly politically correct, unlike modern day science, we are less divisive and controversial, which makes our theory more easily accessible to the common folk. We hope you enjoy our short introduction to this new theory, and will be willing to support us (financially) in future research.

Conclusion

We are broke we need money halp :(

Happy April’s Fools.